Taking a Walk Through the Past 2.....We need to know where we came from in order to appreciate where we are!

Waking up in that hospital, I began the lies that this had not happened. My family members that picked me believed that I had another operation done. I went to their home and pretended that nothing happened. A few eeks later my cousin gave birth to a baby boy and I fell in love with him. not only did I fall in love but I also fell in despair, the reality of what I had done took me spirally into a pit of despair that I found almost impossible to get out.
For months I tried to pretend that all was well but the force of my actions pummeled me daily. I got to the point that I would not speak and this lasted for months. When I did begin to speak it was as if I was a machine, some type of robot that was just moving through this world with no where to go. There was a constant haze. This is when I went to my parents ans ask if I could come back home. My father said no; He had not asked me to leave before so I needed to accept my choices. That night I called my priest and at the same time took pills from the cupboard and tried to kill myself, for what would be the first of many attempts. I was found by his nephew and was taken to the hospital. Again after this I fell into a depression that was immense and I could not shake. I was in counselling for along time but it only helped so much. Even as I try to tell you about this time it is not all clear.
I do remember leaving my job. I also left that town for a small amount of time. Upon returning I got another job at the Telecommunications company. I seemed to be doing well and had an apartment that I shared with roommates. Unfortunately, someone who knew me told WB, the father of my aborted baby that I was back in town. He tracked me down and took advantage of me. I was pregnant again; and found myself right back at the beginning of my nightmare. I walked into the hospital, not thinking, not feeling and maybe not even breathing. If I thought about it too much or too long, who knows what would have happened. We know what happened. I committed another murder. I pushed this one and everything else so far down and in the back of my mind. I tried to live as if nothing had ever happened.
Of course this was not possible as, truth will always surface. I lived my life but it was not one of joy. I was just going through the motions. I would bury myself in work and then come home, read books and sleep or would go out with my cousin and party. I did not want anything to do with the opposite sex. I began to read my bible a little but very little. A few years later, I met my husband to be, while trying to purchase some brakes for my car.