Reminder: Don't get me wrong, we are not perfect, our love did not begin in a perfect way but thanks to God, "who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us". Thanks only to God who could take two unholy, unrighteous, needy, sinful beings and help us to be examples of his grace, his love; only to Him, our heavenly Father, be thanks given.
But, because of His work in us, our desire, love and intimacy has grown. I am not the same woman my husband met all those years ago and he is not the same, physically, emotionally etc. The first years of our marriage was so hard, we almost did not make it. We made so many mistakes and errors and we allowed pride and selfishness to rule and so we almost lost it. As a wife I tried to be a good wife but I was clueless, had no idea. I was wrestling my own demons, that I could not acknowledge or identify. My ability to love someone else was non-existent. Oh!, I thought I knew how to love but I did not.
You see, I had to come face to face with the one who is the creator of love. I cam face to face with him; after my last suicide attempt. I had been locked-up in the Rand Memorial Psych unit for my own protection. I came face to face with my Savior, my Lord. I had been given a tape player of verses by my then Pastor and one verse stood out to me in that horrify, crazy time. This verse reached out from that tape and grabbed me; "But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold"...I had felt that I was in a constant fire. I held on to that, that I could "come forth as gold" It was not a glamorous thought, I just did not want to live a tortured life anymore, and so I clung.
That clinging, has given gold in so many ways, it is unexplainable. My relationship with my husband is only one of those areas. Our love seems fresh and new but we have been together over 20 years. "The Mystery" Every day is new. Sometimes we can think about calling the other one and the other one calls, its crazy. We are in sync. We are not filled with as much pride anymore, we are not as selfish as we were, we seek to meet the other's needs. We allow God laws and words to define our movements, thoughts and actions. I am in awe.
This is our marriage, an earthly thing, something still imperfect but, there is something so much greater, something that allows us to experience this. The Father's Love - He desires love and intimacy with us ; a true relationship!
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
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